I initially entered Ketamine therapy to stabilize my mental state after coming down off of heavy medications that had many contraindications but the center was also aware of my diagnosis of RSD/CRPS and that Ketamine was being used for RSD treatment. Although they were not doing pain protocols, I was continuing my treatment for the depression and anxiety. After the 8th Ketamine infusion over the summer of 2014 I was thinking clearer than I had ever thought and the anxiety had subsided. I was confident enough that I was ready to try to get back in the pool after 4 years of being out and away.
I did the initial 5 infusions within 3 weeks of starting in March and then was going once every 4 weeks after. My mom was noticing incredible changes with me and dealing and coping with issues that were occurring and the legal issues I was having to work through. Before the ketamine I would not have been abled to manage myself or my emotions as I was at the time, I was able to have conversations and express myself without falling apart and when I had anxiety attacks they were not lasting as long or as over the top and over emotional as they had been. It felt good for the first time to feel as good as I was, and the pain levels were tolerable. The Ketamine was working, it was actually working and there were no side effects of it. The most I dealt with was a slight headache. I didn't have to take anything everyday and I did not feel like I was up and down every other day. I felt good.
In June, I was hit with heartbreak, my childhood idol and mentor was nearly killed, Amy Van Dyken-Rouen, Olympic Gold Medalist, was an a severe, nearly fatal ATV accident. I grew up wanting to be just like her. She was told she would never make it, she was asked when she got to the Olympics after one event if she wanted to go home, she has asthma, she has shoulder surgeries, but she was the underdog to the top dog. Now she is fighting for her life and was paralyzed from the waist down. Amy's attitude and drive after the accident made me realize, I have that drive in me. Amy is bound and determine to walk regardless of what doctors tell her. She was out of the hospital sooner than most and she is learning to walk again. She doesn't let anyone tell her she can't do something. This made me realize that I am finally getting treatment and feeling better, no more excuses, get back in the pool, get back to living! Just because I have RSD does not mean I cannot live my life, it means I have to learn to cope and overcome and not let anyone tell me I can't! Immediately following Amy leaving for Colorado for rehab, I headed to the local gym, got a membership and a trainer and began my journey back to life.
In July, my life was struck with tragedy and more heartbreak, I received a call that my best friend's husband had committed suicide. So many emotions went through me and I knew I had to continue to advocate and fight for life. They had been together for almost 11 years and been married only a couple. No one knew anything was wrong, he was the funniest, most caring man and he treated my best friend like a queen, he loved her and she loved him, it was obvious in their faces. He was gone, why I am here, why him, why not me? Then I realized, I got help, I reached out, I wanted to survive and I wanted to help others. It was time to focus on the positive, focus on managing the pain and push through it.
It was painful and definitely not easy. Although I had reached the limits with the Ketamine on the depression end, the center was continuing to treat me each month on the depression level protocol to help maintain the pain. When pain is high, you become depressed when you are depressed the pain is higher so we were hoping to keep the pain controlled and tolerable so I did not relapse with the depression. Although the workouts hurt and there was good pain and bad pain I kept pushing.
On my 11th treatment in September on 2014, I walked out with a pain level of 0 for the first time in nearly 5 years since the accident. I had not had a day without some sort of pain until then. There were days where pain was higher and days where is was more manageable but for the first time I was celebrating, I felt no pain! It was now about how long will this last. I knew I could not stop working out due to fear of being in pain again, I had to see what my body was going to do. I was careful, I was not lifting heavy weights but I had to maintain a routine to see how long the ketamine would keep me pain free and how high the pain levels would reach. This is where the journey to pain free living begins. I had already gone gluten free, casein free, and almost completely dairy free. I was told when I was in New Jersey they gluten and dairy caused inflammation and that it would be key to maintaining my pain levels. I still had weight to gain. I weight 95 pounds at this point and if I was going to continue to workout and have success I had to get on the right track. A chose a new path for a new life.
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